Sunday, October 4, 2015

Something Has Been Brewing Originally posted November 17, 2014

Hi, and welcome to another edition of what is going on in Brooke's mind at the moment.  Or should I say that something has been brewing since last post, but today became the breaking point. For months I have been trying to figure out what I want to do for my career since losing my internet marketing job in June. My OCD/ADD tendencies don't appreciate the timing in which I was let go, but realizing that I don't have control over these things eases the pain for the moment. Since then, the struggle to get unemployment, desperately accept a job for a company that didn't suit me as well as struggle with deciding if a particular company was just as "perfect" as "the signs" just were constantly there or not there. I thoroughly enjoy working at the part-time jobs I have now, but this does not pay my bills. Instead of alleviating my debt to almost nothing a year ago, I have doubled it. Some will blame one of my hobbies as being one of the main reasons. It is part of it, but that outlet is really important to me for my sanity, so I would like to figure out the balance.  People have told me that I am an inspiration from my Entrepreneurial endeavors with my websites. Thank you, I am really flattered, but that praise doesn't pay my bills.  I tried to launch my own business based on the skill set I have acquired, yeah, I knew it was the wrong move, and yet I attempted to risk it. Won't be going down that road again, and unless I come up with something one of the "sharks" on "Shark Tank" invest in, I am fine with that. For a few weeks, I let a friend stay at my place after it was supposed to be a couple of days.  Surprisingly knowing my feelings on day three, my conscience said continue to help her out.  Friends help each other out when needed. However, my anxiety/stress has been increasing instead of decreasing (I take a pill everyday to stay sane and calm), which can cause my mind to go into overload. For the new readers, this pattern of hobby, family, anxiety not mixing has been going on for YEARS. You would think things would be improving, but alas, I am here using this as a form of therapy. When my anxiety/stress gets to this point, the feelings of spontaneous cry spells or panic attack looms from the feelings I used to have prior to being medicated.   Now back to operation revamp my resume & cover letter. So I can get that job my years of suffering in college should produce. Ciao!

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